Should I stay or should I go
Looking back on life.
This will probably be the longest i will spend back here in ct again. Lots of question marks remain in my life, I see that in 5 years much has changed back here and much has stayed the same. Many of my friends have gone on got great jobs, purchased homes, gotten married, had children, others are pretty much exactly the same.
Makes me wonder what have I done the past 5 years, Were my choices correct? Whose to really say right? Sure Flying to foxwoods in august with your case money to take a shot at the circuit may not be in most of my friends blood, throwing your stuff in storage to take a shot at your dream. But you know what I did it, I said fuck it all and went. Not many people have the heart or balls to even do that. Did it work out, ah who knows, I have been on the road since August seeing every place I wanted to see across the USA, going to see one of my best friends in my whole life get married, played poker in many card rooms, put my name in lights and making a real shot at poker fame with the national championship. Is this a life for everyone, no probably not, I have no pension, no health insurance, nothing people in real jobs have but I have me. I learned way more life skills being alone and an orphan since 23 than mostly everyone I know, and that includes people double my age. I have life experience that surpasses many people I have come across in my journey.
That being said , is this what truly makes me happy? Sure one day Id like to create a little off spring human like myself and teach him or her hockey and baseball, watch them grow and have someone to pass on my life stories to. Will this happen? Its very tough to say. Meeting anyone I want to spend more than 3 hours with never the less the rest of my life (albeit probably not a long one do to genetics) in Vegas probably won’t happen. Vegas Jades a lot of people, if I didn’t come from the family and background I did I would have been eaten alive out there like most are. It changes your mind to basically become trash. Its not like the north east, family’s are in open relationships, swingers, sex clubs, drugs hookers whatever you can think of its all there and in the open. Its almost mind boggling the night and day lives of here to there. Sure to each their own. Coming from a profession card player this may sound very crazy, but its quite the scary world out there. Not only is it scary its somehow the norm and is justified. Im sure most of you reading this know my feelings about the whole sex industry and the acts of selling that type of stuff for money. Ill let you go back to past blogs to read about them if you like or feel free to call ill bash hookers all night , but where we live this is what you cross paths in at Walmart target and other places.
Yes are these people humans as well, sure but why would anyone find this acceptable. I know many of my “open minded” friends and yes I have many feel all this is ok. Everyone has opinions and judging right and wrong is a personal choice. I can’t imagine raising a child in the lifestyle of las vegas. I don’t want my child to come to me and be like daddy my friend in class wants to grow up to be a stripper like his mom. Don’t laugh because im sure this happens a lot. Why, because all you got to do is take off your clothes dance on grimy men and get paid double as much as a lawyer. Fuck school get naked. And that’s just the way it is.
This leads me to another avenue in life, as I too believe a college education is a great thing but not the end all be all in judging someone’s level of smarts. I have the honor of having 2 bachelors’ degrees in 2 very similar yet diverse fields, math and music. Honestly I forgot way more than I ever learned in both being 35! In CT it’s a good mix of how many of my old friends took the college route vs the job route. And a good mix have become very successful with both choices. For me I took the college route, then decided im not fit to work for anyone else but myself. How ever that may be, my own business my own lifestyle. People say Bob you never had a real job, which is pretty much true, I have had some short lived real jobs to basically get my life roll up to par to go back out to doing what I love and that’s creating my own money. People ask me every day how do you do it, its simple … as nike says JUST DO IT.
I hate every day when someone says I cant do this or that, or im stuck in my job. Why are you stuck? can’t you just say hey boss go fuck yourself.. (trust me I have done some epic quitting) its quite fun! Take a chance and gamble! I based most of my adult life on calculated gamble and you know what that taught me more about being an adult and life than anything else. Sure not every thing will go as planned, you will get it in with 85% equity as a poker player will say and just get smacked down in the face. (trust me Kings losing Ace King playing for 850k sucks royal moosecock) but you know what you learn, you know in your heart you made the right play. You did what you wanted to do at that exact moment right or wrong some outcome will happen. The key is how you adapt from that outcome, and keep moving forward.
Im far from being wealthy, close to being homeless and happier than any other human being I know. Just today I was graced with the text it must be nice to be able to just wake up and eat breakfast wherever and whenever you want. Well yes its great, Im not living the dream, Im creating my dreams. Some days they are nightmares trust me, many days are scary as hell, and some are the most fun you can imagine. Ill hit zero many times again in my life, im not afraid of zero, its just a number, and you know what when im there ill know the light isn’t to far away to being ok again. Life is way to short to not enjoy every moment you can. If you think spending 40 hours a week slaving away at something you hate is needed to survive, trust me its not. Im pretty sure at one point in this world people survived with sticks and water. We are all humans, we don’t need to be slaves to something we don’t want to be. I hope all of you who read this take something out of it to maybe try something new, take a chance make it happen as the foxwoods old theme song once said.
Money cant buy everything in life. Trust me at 23 I had money, way more money than I should have had, I had fancy fast cars, a house and only because it was left to me. 12 years later I barely have the money to buy the rims off that car I had when I was 23. But you know what I have knowledge I have power, I have what it takes to survive. And I have the world’s biggest smile on my face for knowing I took a chance and making it happen!
I have ended my journey on the national championship hunt back where it all began. The wonder of it all. The emotional roller coaster of planning and doing this trip was set forth only a few days before stepping in my Civic and doing it again. As Rocky would say I didn’t hear no bell and one more round. Im in close striking distance of my dreams. And also surrounded by some of the greatest humans in the world. I had so much fun with many of my old amazing friends this past weekend, even meeting some pretty amazing new ones as well. Connecticut is nothing at all like Vegas. Yes there are crack heads and losers here too, but people are true here. Sure it was a fairy tale time the past 5 days, and its not going to be like this every day or every weekend, but you know what its never like that at home. I have come to realize Vegas Is where my life belongs in many ways. Tax reasons for sure, its 100000% impossible to be a pro poker player in the state of CT. If I were to move to the east coast again Id either have to leave that path behind, or move someone like RI. Or maintain 2 residences one here in CT and one in NV. That would be my ideal goal. I have been scouting out thrift shops and so forth to gauge an idea of what type of income I can make doing ebay and so forth here. Also looking at room rentals and such. I know it’s a short sample size of a trip, and me as a pro gambler would never make an irrational decision based on a small sample (ok many of you are laughing now) but I would like to spend some more time here to see what can really happen.
Being me im blessed with one thing more than anything else, freedom. I have No job, no boss and nothing holding me back from doing exactly what I want to do each and every day. Well at least till my money runs out in 3 days lol.. ok maybe a tad longer than 3 but I do have that luxury. I hope to do well in the up coming series. I really do, not even for the money more for the pride. I hope the cards can find the talent up here but if not I have to decide, should I stay or should I go. 4 days after the Foxwoods series ends, some major poker festival begins in the city of sin. Some refer to this as the world series of poker. I have played in this series every single summer of my life since 2006 when I had My 1st main event cash with Johnny Romano. This would be my 10th year playing there. Sure with out a decent series at foxwoods I wouldn’t even be rolled to play the wsop. But I am faced with one tough life choice. The next 14 days are totally going to be wild. I will have to make some crazy choices. And just down right gamble on what is the right play. Im excited, nervous, scared to death about all this. Yet I know I am truly blessed with the opportunity to give this a shot. I have cashed in poker tournaments for over 600,000 dollars. Not many people cant say that. Its pretty sick to think about. Which if I were to move back to CT I would be in 16th place over all for money won in poker here. So we will see what the future holds.
I am not sure what the outcome will be of this trip, after 5 days I really want nothing to do with Vegas for a while. And as crazy as this sounds I am ok with skipping the wsop. Maybe just fly back for the main if I can sell of a huge chunk. I am totally confident I will make the right choice in life. Who knows maybe ill even fall in love or something wild like that while here. The sky is the limit. But for now its time to shine up at foxwoods. Its time to make it happen! Thank you all for making this weekend amazing! I cant wait to play this week and lay it all on the line! LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO